The management of our emotional state is essential especially when working under pressure. We experience negative emotions when our lives are not as we want them to be and we become victims of situations, often blaming someone or something else for the way we feel. Being a victim can only result in more pressure in our lives and the lives of those whom we blame.
The only alternative to being an emotional victim is to be the master of our own lives and feelings. Changing from victim to master is not an easy step, because years of conditioning may have gone into believing we are victims and that other people are responsible for our feelings. We even go so far as reinforcing the fact by saying such things as ‘you’ve made me angry’ or you’ve upset me’. Statements like these cement our thoughts into beliefs, which then control our lives; but they are, in fact, lies – no-one can make us angry because anger, like any other emotion, is totally self-generated from our perception of the world.
So, EMOTIONS, are the result of a thought process or conditioned response to an external stimulus. Emotions come from inside us; they are not given to us by other people. All another person can do is create a situation to which we REACT or RESPOND. When we REACT, we disengage our rational thinking, whereas when we RESPOND, we do at least give ourselves a chance to think things through first.
Masters RESPOND…..Victims REACT
The first step in mastering our emotions is to accept the fact that we, as individuals, are responsible for our emotions and that no-one else can give them to us – they can only create situations.
Step two, and this is the harder part, is to break the habit of reacting. Reactions are instantaneous and can save us in life-threatening situations, but, how often are we actually in life-threatening situations? Non life- threatening reactions become habits through repetitious use, but habits are learned……..so they can be broken.
Habits are unconscious actions and we do them without thinking, but they can be broken by taking control of our thoughts. Anything you can consciously do to stop the knee jerk reaction will help break patterns of behaviour. Taking DEEPER, SLOWER breath for example and thinking what to say before you say it will definitely help.
What else could YOU do to break habitual reactions?
The following information, will help you look at negative emotions in a different light. They will help take away some of their acceptability and enable you to see emotions from a different perspective.
WORRY is a major concern for many people. Thousands of people do it every day, yet it’s a futile exercise. It’s making ourselves incapable of enjoying this moment, of being happy now. It’s fantasising about something that hasn’t happened, or has happened and has not been dealt with effectively.
The alternative is constructive, creative thinking aimed at solving the problem. Or you can simply throw the worry away and restructure the thought. If you can’t control the situation, you can control your thought.
Example: ‘I worry about the kids being away’.
Restructured:’ I have taught my kids well, they will have an enjoyable experience’. NOW let the worry go……….
(so ……..are you now saying….’but what if they don’t, they won’t ever want to go away again’)
Then restructure the thought = ‘what ever the outcome, I know I will deal with it effectively when they return’
SHYNESS is simply waiting for someone else to give us reassurance, to tell us that we are alright, to show us some kind of approval. The reality is we ARE alright!
We are unique, different from any other person on this planet. All we have to do is accept that as a fact, be proud of our uniqueness and get on with our lives. If you do this then SHYNESS WONT EXIST.
YOU are responsible for YOU and your own thoughts. If someone calls or refers to you as being Shy, does it really matter?
If it does, then either say to that person or think to yourself…..’yes, it means I am unique in my ways’
REJECTION is another emotion experienced by millions of people yet the only time we can experience it is when we fail to get approval from another person.
Rejection is just an unsuccessful attempt to gain other people’s approval.
Why do we need other peoples approval? What’s wrong with approving of ourselves? That way, we can never experience rejection!
REGRET is another emotion that messes up peoples’ lives. When we regret something, we are actually allowing ourselves to feel inferior because our past performance was not as we wanted it to be.
Regret can be overcome by seeing it as an opportunity to learn. If we regret something then we have found a strategy for living that didn’t work effectively……..therefore it need not be done again!
The past is in the past, it can not be revised or changed…..learn from it and let it go….you are here, in this moment of time, be who you want to be now.
LONELINESS is another common emotion. We are social animals and it is easy to be lonely, but its only experienced when we place the responsibility of our own happiness onto someone else.
Once we accept responsibility for our own happiness, we empower ourselves to seek out new friends.
JEALOUSY can only present itself to us when we believe we are inferior to someone else. When we believe that others are better than us in some way. We are not inferior, different yes, but not inferior. Other people may have what we haven’t, or be able to do what we can’t, but that doesn’t make them any better, it only makes them different. The secret is to change the beliefs we have about ourselves into beliefs that serve us more effectively.
HURT is denial of responsibility for our own feelings. It is placing blame for OUR emotions onto someone else. When someone says ‘You hurt me’, what they are really saying is ‘You didn’t do what I wanted you to do, so I’m having this emotion to show you my displeasure, in the hope that you feel guilty and change your behaviour accordingly’.
GUILT is an emotion that many people use as a tool to manipulate other people. It’s used to make you feel bad when you haven’t done something someone else wanted you to do. When we feel guilty for something, we feel we’ve done wrong; we are indulging in a concern over a past situation, instead of accepting that we’ve made a mistake, seeing it as a learning experience, and getting on with the rest of our lives.
FEAR is a normal reaction of a human being in a life-threatening situation. It was originally used as a life-saving mechanism to flood our bodies with the chemicals necessary for flight or fight from danger. For many people, after years of practice, it has become a Fantasised Experience, Appearing Real. They consciously feed the mind with doom and gloom instead of facing the thing they fear and dealing with it effectively. If we face the thing we fear, the death of the fear is certain.